Mourning the Loss…

About eight weeks ago, I couldn’t handle the pain anymore and I had rotator cuff surgery. It was supposed to be a simple arthroscopic procedure. My orthopedic surgeon told me that I should zip back pretty quickly from it. In fact, he said that I probably wouldn’t even need any therapy… I could just do it at home.

As it turned out, when the surgeon completed the arthroscopic portion, he realized that I had a pretty severe bicep tendon tear as well, so he had to make an approximately 3″ incision and do a second procedure. I now bear two small arthroscopic scars and a 3″ scar, all on my right shoulder (yep… I’m right-handed). And, for almost eight weeks I’ve been in a stationary-position sling.

So much for writing. I tried doing a left-handed hunt-and-peck version a couple of times, but realized I was more frustrated than if I couldn’t write at all.

After two months of not being able to write, I decided this morning that since  I’m part way through therapy and doing quite well, that I would return to writing the story that first captured my heart to write months ago.

From Grace Abounds Grace (small)It’s title… From Grace Abounds Grace. Here is the book cover. Isn’t it lovely?! I can’t begin to share with you how thrilled I am with my cover designer. Her design for this cover is soft and romantic, and truly captures the plot, as I see it in my head.

Before my surgery I had completed about 13,000 words, which I couldn’t wait to get back to today.

When I opened my flashdrive to the title, opening it with great anticipation, it was gone! Completely and totally gone! There was nothing but the title page, Acknowledgments page, and the verse I used to set up the story. Checking my backup flashddrive, the same missing manuscript stared back at me.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His Purpose.” ~ Romans 8:28. This is the verse I had felt strongly that the Lord wanted me to share with my readers.

I suppose my usual reaction would be to cry buckets full, give myself a sabbatical from writing for a couple of months to give myself some time to mourn and re-think the story, trying desperately to re-capture what had already been written.

And, while I do feel emotionally defunct right now, I think the Lord prepared me for this before this morning.

I just completed reading a book, Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus. It is about a Muslim man who battles for years, trying to ignore, then disprove who Jesus is, only to come face-to-face with him years later, finally making Jesus Christ his Savior and Lord.

What made it even more poignant (as if I hadn’t spilled enough tears while reading), was that in reality, this now-Christian man, having graduated from medical school, but opting instead to enter full-time evangelism, died four months ago of stomach cancer… at 34 years of age.

Talk about a wake up call. I am having to put things back into their proper perspective right now. How blessed am I that the Lord has given me all the years I’ve had, graciously lavished His Salvation upon me, and still lets me write, which I love so dearly!

So… how will I handle my “lost” partial manuscript? I will probably continue to mourn, at random times, wondering WHY? But, I will start all over and in so doing, allow the Lord to do whatever He wants to with the re-telling.

If I truly believe Romans 8:28, what else can I do but trust Him?!


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